meet michael

If you have read any posts about my family you have read about my oldest / first son (My Sunshine). The correct statement is he is my first son to call me mom.
I got pregnant when I was 16 but made the choice to put my son up for adoption. For 21 long years I wondered about him, what he looked like, if he was smart, funny, whether or not I did the right thing.

I contacted him (via email) on his 21st birthday (that's the earliest that Illinois Adoption Laws allow). We ended up meeting several days later. I introduced him to my family. He spent three days with us.
In that time, my family grew quite fond of him but we all realized that he had a different life and a different family and we were quite fortunate to have had the time with him that we did.
A couple months went by and I didn't hear anything from him...until. He called one day asking if he could move in with us. He had stated that he wasn't happy with how his life was going and he felt he needed a fresh start.
I happily allowed him to move in.
Over the few months he was with us, he came to realize that no matter where you go there are rules. I made it clear that everyone in the house has a responsibility to everyone else.
Unfortunately, the house he grew up in didn't require anything of him, ever, and as far as he was concerned rules were restrictions that he wasn't going to have get in the way of what he wanted to do.
So, for the second time in my life, I gave up my son. After becoming extremely disrespectful and disruptive I told him he could no longer stay here with us, and he went back to his adoptive parents.

I don't know what I would do if I had the chance to do it over again...all of it, contacting him, having him move in, having him move out, even the adoption in the first place. I do know this - The first 21 years of his life I spent wondering who he was. The next 21 years of his life I will spend worrying about how he is.

I am asking for all who read this to say a prayer for him.